A Curious Thing...

I find myself in a most curious position today. A friend of mine, more of an acquaintance, is going through a particularly nasty divorce. Some time ago, I’d spoke with him in passing and mentioned, if you ever need to talk, let me know, here’s my number. And never really gave it a second thought. Now, I work with this person and see him on a regular basis. He’s not employed in my clinic, but he’s in the hospital and I see him several times a week. He knows I’ve been struggling with troubles of my own, but like most acquaintances, he really didn’t (and doesn’t) know the full extent of my battle lately and how I’ve been struggling so hard to hang on by a thread. So, needless to say, when I received a phone call today, of someone crying and obviously in pain, I was shocked to discover he was on the other end of the line. It’s been getting rougher and rougher for him, and life pretty much just sucks. Usually I’m compassionate and try to listen to the other person in a situation like this. I’m honored when people trust me so much to come to me like this that I try my absolute hardest to do what I can, give what advice I think might help or just be there and listen. This time though, it’s different. I’m struggling so hard with my own issues, but now I have to put them aside to concentrate on someone else whose feeling as much pain (if not more) than I am… I’m concerned, and worried… Concerned because right now, I’m NOT at my best, I’m not sure I can be compassionate, caring and give good advice. If I was so damn smart, I wouldn’t be in the predicaments I’m in, let alone helping someone safely get out of the deep waters they‘re in. I may be over my head on this one. I’m worried… worried that I wont be able to give this friend, the help he so desperately needs and deserves. Because I hear it in his voice, and the words he says are almost mine, verbatim when I was and am there too… he’s scared and thinking he might be ready to bring harm to himself. He’s alone, terrified and struggling. He’s at the lowest of the low, ready to quit, done. It’s not that I don’t want to help him, but it’s a lot like asking a drug addict the best way to stop snorting cocaine, or asking a hooker the best way to be clean and celibate. My intentions are there… I want to help this friend, I want to ease some of the hurt, and be there for someone who needs it. I just hope and pray the ability is there…
After several phone calls today, he called right as i was getting ready for bed. He’s on his way over, I told him that I had a little bit of time to talk if he needed to. (and I’m not going to hesitate if it needs to be more than a little bit of time… in the not to distant past someone sacrificed several hours for me, I can do the same for someone who needs it also). I think, this to, may be a lesson in my faith… I’m just not sure what, and right now, as he’s pulling in, I have to ponder it another day… perhaps another blog later will reveal the answer to me that’s eluding me… But, for now, I am praying… which lately is a rarity in itself… praying I can help this friend. Praying I can hold myself together long enough to do what needs to be done, and save someone else when I’m not sure I’m able to save myself.